Miscarriages and abortions can carry a whole plethora of emotions, ranging from deep sadness to confusion. Acknowledging how you feel and why you feel it is the first step to processing your experience, making it vital for recovery.

At Gynaedoctors, we offer specialist abortion and miscarriage management services. We’ve worked with thousands of women and understand that emotions can be vast and complex. That’s why we’ve put together this guide, breaking down different feelings so that you can begin to identify and acknowledge your emotions. 

Common Emotions After a Miscarriage

A miscarriage can bring a wave of emotions that may be confusing, overwhelming, or even contradictory. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and no timeline for when you need to be back on your feet. Some emotions may surface immediately, while others can appear days, weeks, or even months later.

Recognising what you’re feeling is a meaningful first step toward processing the experience with self-compassion. Below are some of the common emotions people may feel after a miscarriage.

Grief and Depression

Losing a baby often comes with grief and deep-rooted sadness. This loss is real, and the pain that follows can linger in ways that are hard to put into words. Whether the feelings are constant or come in waves, it’s completely normal to carry them with you in the days, weeks, and even months afterward.

It’s important to know that grief after a miscarriage isn’t just common, but also valid. You’re allowed to mourn in your own way, and for however long you need to. It’s important to remember that your loss matters and that grief comes in a variety of forms, all of which are normal and okay.

You should, however, be aware of your mental health during this time. Women who experience miscarriages and stillbirths are at higher risk of depression, making it crucial that you seek support as you process the loss of your baby.

Shock 

Miscarriages are often a shock, both physically and mentally. They can leave you feeling scared, stressed, and untethered as you come to terms with what’s happened and the loss you’re facing. This is as normal as grief, and it’s important you give yourself the space and kindness to process your emotions. 

Guilt

Many women (and their partners) experience guilt in the aftermath of a miscarriage. It’s not uncommon to feel a sense of failure or that you were responsible for the loss of your baby, even when it’s not true.

This is simply another form that your grief is taking, and it’s important to acknowledge it, even when it’s uncomfortable.

It’s also vital to remember that these are irrational thoughts. Miscarriages very rarely occur because of something you or your partner did or didn’t do, and in all likelihood, this has nothing to do with any of your actions.

If you’re struggling with irrational feelings of guilt, we highly recommend speaking to a professional about the causes of miscarriages and talking through your concerns.

Emptiness and Apathy

The loss of a miscarriage can lead to feelings of emptiness and numbness. You might struggle to carry out day-to-day tasks and engage with life in the way you once did, which is very normal after a traumatic experience.

You may also experience apathy, in which there aren’t any feelings at all. Some women struggle to cry, grieve, and feel the pain of their loss, even when they desperately wanted their baby. All too frequently, this leads to guilt, creating a cycle of negative emotions.

Just as with the miscarriage itself, emptiness and apathy aren’t your fault.

In fact, apathy is a form of grief. It’s a protective response to overwhelmingly emotional situations, in which parts of your brain have shut down in an effort to save you from the intense pain of what you’re going through. It’s a very normal response and not one that you should ever feel guilty about. 

Anxiety and Anger

Around 20% of women who experience a miscarriage develop either anxiety or depression. This often relates to a fear of getting pregnant again, and can worsen if you do conceive in the future.

You may also experience anxiety with no clear links to your miscarriage. This is completely normal and stems from the effects of trauma on your brain’s ability to detect and process threats. You’re essentially being kept in constant fight or flight mode, which triggers anxiety that’s seemingly unrelated to your experience.

It’s also common to feel anger after miscarriages, either unexplained or with clear roots in your experience. You might feel furious at the loss and the fact that it happened to you. This can also present itself as blame, either on yourself or on others. 

Common Emotions After an Abortion 

Many of the emotions you experience after a miscarriage are also felt after an abortion. It’s normal to experience grief, shock, apathy, and anxiety, but there are other emotions you should also be aware of. These include:

Mixed Emotions

It’s not unusual to feel mixed emotions after the termination of a pregnancy. You might swing between confidence in your decision, to doubts and sadness, and then relief and joy. Some days (and even hours) may be easier than others, and this doesn’t always follow a linear trajectory. 

Allowing yourself to feel the whole range of emotions that come your way is so important to processing and healing. Even when what you feel is uncomfortable or unexpected, let it in and try to understand it. 

Relief 

Relief is consistently the most common emotion women feel about their abortions. Don’t feel guilty for allowing yourself to breathe and relax; it’s a good sign that this was the right choice for you. Relief is a healthy emotion to experience and one that should be welcomed. 

Regret and Guilt

In some cases, you might struggle with regret and guilt after an abortion. This can be fleeting or continue, unresolved, for years. Regret doesn’t always mean the decision was wrong, though.

Instead, it often reflects the weight of the situation, the loss of what might have been, or pressure from personal beliefs, family, and society. You can regret aspects of the experience while still knowing the decision itself was necessary, too.

Giving yourself space to explore where your regret and guilt come from, without judgment, can prevent them from turning into long-term emotional pain.

Grief

Just as with miscarriages, it’s normal to experience grief after an abortion. This is true even if you feel confident in your choice, and it’s vital to acknowledge that you can feel sad without regretting your decision. Give yourself space to grieve the loss, unashamed and without guilt.

For some, grief after an abortion can be unexpected, and it doesn’t always have a clear source. You might be mourning a future you imagined, the timing, or the circumstances that led to the decision, all of which are valid feelings that deserve to be acknowledged and processed.

Dealing With Emotions After a Miscarriage or Abortion

Experiencing a miscarriage or abortion can lead to an unpredictable range of emotions. Some feelings may appear immediately, while others surface weeks, months, or even years later.

What’s most important right now is to find healthy ways to navigate the experience at your own pace. Here’s our gynaecologist team’s expert insights into how to cope with and process your emotions:

Speak to a Mental Health Professional

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or alone, it’s important that you reach out to a mental health professional. This can be life-changing in the aftermath of a miscarriage or abortion, allowing you to understand your emotions in a safe space and find healthy ways to deal with them. 

Therapists can help you navigate grief, guilt, depression, anxiety, and any other emotions that come up. You don’t need to be in crisis to seek therapy, either. Sometimes, it’s simply a place to untangle feelings that don’t make sense yet and come to terms with your experience in a way that prevents trauma.

If therapy feels intimidating, know that it’s okay to be scared. That’s just another emotion! Remember, too, that with 35% of adults in the UK reaching out to a therapist, you won’t be alone in seeking support.

Seek Support from Family and Friends

You don’t have to go through this alone. Sharing your experience with trusted friends or family members can lighten the emotional load and remind you that you’re cared for. It also provides a space for you to talk through and process complex thoughts, which is an important part of healing.

That said, it’s important to be selective about who you open up to and how much you share. Ensure you speak to someone you trust completely and who won’t bring conflicting personal beliefs into the conversation.

If you’re not confident that you have an individual to rely on in your personal network, we recommend talking to a mental health professional instead. Our team’s always here, too, and we’ve helped many women and their partners navigate abortions and miscarriages, both in and outside of our clinic.

Try Journaling

Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing emotions, especially when you’re not ready to talk out loud. Writing allows you to express thoughts you might feel uncomfortable admitting, even to yourself, and gives you the space to dig deep into your feelings and understand their root causes.

If you struggle to start journaling, prompts are helpful. These are questions you can use to guide what you write about, such as:

• What emotions am I feeling today?
• What thoughts keep returning when my mind is quiet?
• What has been the hardest part of this experience for me?
• What feels unresolved or unfinished right now?
• Are there any emotions I’m avoiding or judging myself for having? Why?
• What do I wish others understood about my experience?
  

There’s no need to worry about grammar, structure, or making sense. Journaling is just for you, so let go of perfection and simply write down what comes into your mind.

Be Kind to Yourself

Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend. This might look like resting when you’re tired, setting boundaries, or gently challenging negative self-talk.

Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks don’t mean you’re failing. They’re simply part of being human.

Speak to Our Gynaecologists

All emotions are normal in the aftermath of a miscarriage or abortion. The most important thing? Don’t go through your experience alone.

Whether you have friends and family to lean on or require the help of our professional team, it’s crucial you have somebody you trust by your side as you come to terms with your emotions.
To ask for support or learn more about our miscarriage management services, reach out to us today.